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But this isn’t the first time Duggar has shared her story.
When you visit home, how do you honor your needs while navigating patterns of the past?
It’s taken years.
You have to work through stuff.
It is hard when there are so many different opinions on everything.
And I realize at the end of the day, we’re not always going to agree on everything.
And it’s been an interesting journey, but it’s been a good one as well.
With such a big diverse family: What challenges have arisen with family members and your self-reflection and change?
Conversely, have you inspired any loved ones to follow in your footsteps?
And with that, I knew that there was going to be backlash.
I knew that people in my community, my friends, my loved ones were going to react.
Whether that was a good reaction or a bad reaction, I was bracing myself for it.
That was a hard realization I had to work through before releasing the book.
This is about my story, this is not about my family.
And so for them to react only to the teaching as being the issue.
And so that was my main thing.
I went to reach them, pull them out of this because it’s so harmful.
And then there are also some who are still set in their ways and will follow those teachings.
And I think that I just as personally, I can only do what I can do.
And so if I can speak truth, it’s not on me now.
Have you ever experienced anger toward the system or your parents for fostering that people-pleasing environment?
If so, how do you cope with that?
I think that looking back at my life, I can see the challenges.
There’s a lot that you have to process and work through.
This is going to set them up for being a light to the nations for helping others.
And so a lot of parents took that guarantee and they said, “Wow, this is amazing.
We’re going to devote our lives to it.”
That’s kind of what we were told.
Just be agreeable, everybody, just don’t talk about any issues.
Always be happy, always be cheerful.
And I think that for so many years I lived as a people pleaser in that way.
I saw myself as the person who had to just constantly keep everybody happy and at bay.
Is it to be totally satisfied from that person and from like, I need you.
I’m so desperate because desperate is not a good look when you’re a people pleaser.
You’re just like, I need this relationship.
And so instead, turning it around and saying, “okay, well where is this person?”
How can I help them?
How can I serve them?
I have to be willing to speak truth even if there are critics.
It’s been interesting.
With my girls, they’re six and four, so they’re very young.
The four-year-old just loves to play cars and trucks.
That’s her thing.
She’s just obsessed with them.
So she’s kind of not really in that world of thinking too much about people pleasing yet.
I feel like I need them."
We need to be content with what we have."
And I think that starts at such an early age.
You don’t need to live or die based on their criticism.
She’s a deep thinker and she likes to talk through everything.
It’s a good thing to be liked, to want to be liked by others.
We are designed for community.
So if you want to have a pair of Converse, there’s nothing wrong with that.
But you are beautifully designed how God wanted you to be.
You are strong, you’re a beautiful young girl.
Your friends love you.
And it was interesting because a lot of people kind of jumped behind that as who I was.
And ultimately I was actually very happy in the system I was raised in.
I was super content to stay there.
I was probably one of the most biggest rule followers in that system.
Maybe I said this harsh word to you at this time.
And I think that has changed the game for me when it comes to critics.
I’m not going to hang on their every word.
We all need that as humans.
And at the same time, that’s not all we can live by.
