Add a surrogate into the mix, and some people really give the side-eye.
However, the real world of gestational surrogacy just isn’t all that horrifying.
It’s just not the same kind of mayhem some people would have you believe.
For most surrogates and intended parents it’s a beautiful life-changing journey.
Surrogates do not get down and dirty with the daddy for get pregnant.
Depending on whether the person is a gestational or traditional surrogate, she either went throughin vitro fertilizationorartificial insemination.
However, “sexy time” with an intended father is not one of them.
There are plenty of people who get pregnant with someone else’s baby.
There are two types: gestational and traditional.
A gestational surrogate is a person who undergoes IVF with an embryo that is not hers.
It’s like bringing the ingredients for your grandmother’s homemade pumpkin bread over to your friend’s house.
The baby’s mother was unable to get pregnant because of her battle with cancer.
I was just part of the medical team who helped bring her baby earthside.
That baby was their baby from conception.
Not every person can be a surrogate
There are physical and psychologicalstandards for surrogacythat come into play.
That’s not to say that issues don’t arise.
Failed embryo transfers and miscarriages are common, and the heartbreak can affect both the carrier and the parents.
Sometimes intended mothers feel jealousy or frustration they didn’t anticipate because of their inability to experience the pregnancy.
My intended mother was an absolute dream, and we became wonderful friends throughout our journey.
We are the “weirdos” who are fascinated by the process of creating and growing life.
That doesn’t mean we love every single aspect, or that our pregnancies all go smoothly.
We still get morning sickness, back pain, stretch marks and cankles.
But there’s something about growing a human life that captivates us.
My unmedicated births made me feel strong and courageous.
It’s like being Santa Claus, but fatter.
Surrogates are not mothers
Well, actually, surrogates usually are mothers.
They just aren’t the mothers of the surrogate babies they carry.
We are too busy chasing after our own keepers.
Surrogates do not want to keep the baby
Let me reiterate.
Surrogates do not want to keep the baby.
Many people say they don’t know how a surrogate could carry a baby without bonding with it.
But I think those people feel that way for the same reasons I could never work in hospice care.
Surrogates are gifted with caring for people at the beginning of their lives.
I bonded with my own keeper babies in utero because I knew I’d be bringing them home.
In fact, our bond grows stronger every day because I foster a maternal love for them.
We never give that part of our hearts to our surro babies.
Like a hospice nurse who cares for her patient, we too care for the babies we carry.
But we know they are never ours.
We are just extreme babysitters.
People mistakenly think surrogates look into carrying babies as a job.
Carrying a baby just for the money makes about as much sense as teaching for the money.
You definitely do it for the love.
Surrogates do typically get some sort of monetary compensation for their efforts, although not all do.
Altruistic states likeNew York prohibit compensation, and they even legally penalize for it.
The parents got to keep the baby, and she got to keep all the bills.
Compensation varies from state to state, as well as person to person.
Independent surrogates differ from agency surrogates, and first-timers differ from surrogates who have carried before.
Breaking it down hourly, I ended up with about $1 an hour.
We do it for the love.
It’s not an unfulfilled motherly yearning because we want the baby back.
We are perfectly happy sleeping through the night in those glorious months after delivery.
After my surrogate birth I constantly felt the urge to shout “I was a surrogate!
I swear I just had a baby three days ago!
I’m not just fat!”
Surrogates are selfish
Surrogates do carry for the love, but we are definitely selfish.
But the biggest payoff we look for is the one we get on delivery day.
There is absolutely no compensation on earth that compares to the feeling of making ordinary people into parents.
It’s a high I would selfishly chase over and over again.
