Even when a relationship isn’t abusive, Noll notes that it’s unsustainable.
If the cycle is not broken, the relationship will burn out."
Instead of staying locked in this pattern, Noll recommends learning skills like de-escalation and problem solving.
Sometimes a difference arises that is too big to ignore…. Problem-solving together makes negative feelings lift."
So speak up, even though it can feel hard!
Keeping score
This is a tricky one.
But where does the quest for equality stop and score keeping begin?
Tit-for-tat, also known as reciprocation, keeps this from happening.
Instead of jumping to defend yourself, listen to your partner and work towards finding a solution.
Not having even occasional arguments means that people “are not being completely honest with each other.
It also means there is little opportunity to address issues that need to be fixed.”
“Anger that is subverted manifests in the body,” explains Power forPsych Central.
While being consumed by it is unhealthy, it’s also not something you want to suppress or ignore.
So, how can people deal with jealousy in a healthy, productive way?
Calmly explain your feelings and discuss how to find a solution."
Ultimately, the goal is to express your feelings and have a solution-oriented conversation.
Instead, it’s best to operate under the assumption that your partner is trustworthy unless they prove otherwise.
“Allow your partner to have privacy and experiences that are just for them.”
So, even if it’s tempting, it’s best not to do any online snooping.
(Do you call?
Do you not call?
Do you say something when you’re upset?
How do you respond when your partner is upset?
Do you tell them when you have indigestion?
